One thing I learned quickly is that the majority of people (that ive met) consider you a friend when its easy or convenient. Once you go through a tough time, they scatter and hide.
People ive met are superficial and false. Hence why I trust very few and dont let anyone get close unless i know that person well enough.
The friends I have, I know they have my back and support me as I do them. I value people who arent people pleasers, superficial or two faced.
In the day and age where being superficial and false is preferred to a harsh truth, im happy being seen as an asshole for staying true to myself.
Experience enough of it like I have and it leaves you bitter and disconnected. Even though that silence brings clarity, it also brings far worse.
Its a shame that friendship means little these days. Friendship is naught but a transaction. For the most part.
Yeah, i got into esk8 initially because we only had 1 car and i was missing the freedom of just being out and about. I completely agree with you about the pre builds, but after dipping my toes into the hobby, i eventually landed here due to just how many there are and needing expectations about shipping customer service, weather viability. Back in my infancy auto enthusiast days i took a lot more risks and now i would rather be informed than make a critical mistake whether it be about money or health
Plus I’m still going to start pre-built, but I’d rather not choose between esk8 and bills because I have a family now. If i was younger, then i could have afforded it.
I have crohns, as well as other disabilities, and this thread is a great reminder about reaching out or needing help
Yeah, this is part of why I spent the last 15 years exclusively focused on raising my children. I married my best friend, didn’t work out too well in the end.
I’m the kind of person that asks very little of my friends but I expect the world if you call me at 3:30 in the morning tell me you need me to get up and go. I’m just gonna ask where if I tell you me you can’t be bothered well, it ain’t worth it.
Edit I don’t know how to be different and I’m not interested in changing integrity is it rare fucking thing
I guess what I’m saying is I don’t know how to be a half assed friend, so I’m not interested in having half assed friends
That explains a lot, add/adhd in male adults and children is often associated with risk taking and thrill Seeking as a coping mechanism. The depression (assuming on my part here about you but definitely is true for me) is secondary and a part of it though. I think of my adhd as a sign-wave with a dead zone - I have to push to an extreme to feel normal amounts of… well normalness. No stress means no dopamine so doing normal shit like remembering to eat gets forgotten. Go too long without that hit and now you’re depressed and can’t motivate to get back in balance. Would be fine if i had to chase and kill my food everyday but that’s a hard life so i won’t romanticize it. Ill skate instead
When I explained to my doctor that my adhd was changing in how it was effecting my daily life and I needed to find some new (medication) solution i had to do all these “alternative” lifestyle changes and jump a bunch of hoops and ask every time I went in for anything and also take a piss test. With my adhd hitting my executive function in the balls this took me about 3 years of trying. The trick is to be persistent beyond where you think it should have already worked but not be depressed and unmotivated to keep doing it lol. “Just do it” is the worst advice - I explained my difficulties to my wife and she helped me stay motivated
The medication has gotten better since i was a kid too so it more of a shrinking the dead zone in my response to stimulus so it’s not such a slog to keep my house/job in order.
Edit: oh I forgot, my insurance wont pay for it the cheap bastards. I use generics and coupons
Holy fucking shit! I’m at a loss, YES YES! This explains a lot, depression,yes an old friend. I will be uh brief and say my child hood was like a Steven king novel. I’ve really only begun to care about living once I had kids to be responsible for. You see I’m a shy quite kind person,so it’s always perplexing to me that .HMM how to say this…… I feel like I should have” come at me bro!” Tattooed on my chest in blood,just in case I have to rip my shirt off,conversely I should have I’m sorry I hurt you on my back. I got beat a lot as a kid,every one beat my ass,partially because I was white and that wasn’t cool. We were poor when there was a we .So I learned to fight,I saw too many Jean Claud van dam movies, and well became him in a way,swords,guns,staff,you name it, I can get down,BUT I don’t want to hurt anyone unless they are hurting someone I love,or a stranger, and the second I get the upper hand,I feel like a dick,because I’m a shy kind kid. When I supervise I tend to be overly aggressive if I’m forced to be aggressive,because I don’t want to be an asshole and if your going to make me be an asshole I’m aiming for shock and awe so it never happens again.
Unfortunately I also have an odd complex,my girlfriend HATES, if you don’t want to help me fuck you im not begging for shit,but with mental health for men you have to beg. So I engage in very risky behavior like it’s nothing,when I first move to CA. Well…… I had more than a few fights in traffic,I hate cowards in cars,I’m from old cities where you will see the car next to you at every stop light and acting like people do here in cars will get you shot. Personally I will not do anything in a car to you I would not have the balls to do in line at say the movies. I’ll shut up now,lots to think about,I know I sound crazy,to be honest I’ve come a long way,but still lots of room for improvement to be sure. Thank you!
Also,this explains why when there is a game of chicken,I’m straight up not dodging,if you don’t we are crashing,this is stupid,I’ve never understood why I’m not loosing the who is more crazy contest
Got beat pretty good as a kid too, worst part was when I found the rules for who got in trouble for fighting in school, so I would manipulate the other kids into starting fights. Don’t get in trouble if I don’t get suspended - got beat pretty good when they figured that trick out. I forgot that if im fighting enough, im the only common denominator. That’s when i got my adhd diagnosis and although medication wasn’t the best choice for me at the time, having the fog lifted for a minute put it all into focus for me.
What do you mean i can just go do anything I want to?!? Ffs I found out I wasn’t lazy and that blew my mind. Got me some high stress jobs and moved out early with a ged. Chasing stress ever since. Only problem is i also hate having a boss, so i made a job where I didn’t have one.
Being a boss sucks though, not the right kind of stress… also iv got three amazing kids and being reliable when not under stress is important for them so i work on myself.
I’m so happy my children get proper mental health care,it costs me a fortune as my insurance doesn’t cover it,I have Kaiser perminte,they have admitted to me their mental health division is broken and they would prefer I just man up and go away. I had a dream last night I figured out how to hibernate through the holidays,woke up with a smile
Its not broken if it’s cheaper to not fix it and then they don’t fix it. I hate health insurance companies - they practice medicine with no license or personal responsibility through defining care restrictions and profit without providing proper customer value. Not going to get into a rant or list the many examples of them killing people for profit… going to breathe.
If people die because I didn’t fix the fire alarm i go to jail and or lose my license - bastards
Yep, I kinda have to build freeway over passes,water/gas/electric main lines with care. If I loose something down the hill (we lost an apprentice to this at my old company,crushed him like a rolling pin)or roll my machine over and kill some I can be held directly responsible if it’s deemed I was negligent . Corporations however we gave them the rights of people,but not the responsibility. That is why I will post to a public forum or send myself an email when I know we are doing something stupid. So I can say,I was so concerned I told my super,then documented it,thing is if I lock up like a Tijuana mule too often they retaliate.
Yup, preaching to the Choir here for sure. Luckily when i tell the customer how much it will cost to have an unplanned shutdown due to catastrophic explosive failure vs a planned calculated shutdown i can get them to shut up about doing work hot. One of the reasons im still working for the company i do is because when i spell it out and the customer still pitches a fit they back me up. Doesn’t hurt that the union backs me up too
Maybe I should just fight “the man” and go the union rep path lol. I could wax poetic about this shit all day.
Fight the fights you can win. Just making the biggest positive impact you can is all we can do im doing better than my dad ever did, and my kids will have the chance of doing better than me hopefully. If im honest enough. Just keeping perspective is an achievement and bullshiting here with you has been really good. Now the weather needs to clear so i can go cut a line across town… but ill work on my board for now
Bravo,this gets me out of bed despite all the pain,they have not been giving me skittles for 20 years for nothing,(had I known I’d live to 50 I’d have taken better care of myself )once you bring kids in to the world your not the star of your story anymore
Waiting in my therapist’s waiting area. I ride this and it helps a ton to clear my head before a session. The therapist also gets a big kick out of it when new boards show up.
Just tossing this out there — everyone should get a therapist. Seriously. Once you find someone you click with, it is incredibly helpful for sorting through all the thoughts in your head. If you didn’t already know (and even if you didn’t, you’re probably experiencing it firsthand) there’s an epidemic of isolation and loneliness in the general population, with it hitting men the hardest. It’s the result of decades of cultural norms, and combined with lingering stigma to seeking mental health, has put a ton of us in hardcore boxes without any obvious means of expression. How many close friends do we have where you can be emotionally open with? For most of us it’s a minuscule number, if any. Frankly it sucks that we’re at this point and makes me angry.
Anyway, I’m lucky enough that insurance covers my mental health stuff 100%, but even if you don’t have that, I highly recommend you find a therapist. We all think we don’t need one, but once you find someone that works well with you, it’s invaluable.
Side note: if you want to see the transition from emotionally available to “stoic adult male”, go see the film Close. It’s eye opening…
I find that with my depression, muay thai really helps me. Whilst my club has a reputation for creating killers and brutality, we all give a shit about each other. Its very tight nit. I’ve gone in, in a really bad way mentally and one of my coaches has always had time to chill and have a chat then everyone always throws support. Its such a great environent and I always feel free during the sessions.
It may be strange for others to hear but violence is freedom, to me.
It’s the season where lots of people are happy spending time with friends and family. There are billions of people on the planet, lots of us don’t have any friends,as was the case before I made a few here,but essentially I do things with my kids ,my girlfriend,or the few friends I’ve made here,otherwise,check my location in my profile, “sk8 ting in the dark ALONE” I moved around a LOT as a kid,I gave up on making friends because I was always the new kid. The last 15 after a horrible divorce I decided to focus on my children.
As people get older they loose friends or never learned to make them in the first place. This doesn’t make you a loser,if it does,I am and many many people are too. There is an epidemic of loneliness in the world and the USA in particular. I don’t wait for people to go do things with me,I’d be waiting a LONG time. Sk8ting is great because your in the moment.
If your in the Bay Area I’ll ride with you, doesn’t matter your skill,or preference of pace. Volunteering is a great way to make friends and combat loneliness,and helping people is it’s own reward.
You aren’t alone any more than we all are,strangers do care,reach out,you may be surprised.
The holidays are hard,not everyone is happy,that’s ok,so are you! Happy crappy season my friends!
im doing better than my dad ever did, and my kids will have the chance of doing better than me hopefully. If im honest enough. Just keeping perspective is an achievement and bullshiting here with you has been really good. Now the weather needs to clear so i can go cut a line across town… but ill work on my board for now 
