This is why you are the second most liked guy on the forum 
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I will kick your nuts, off of your nuts
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you lucky to have this kind of love for free 
from venom121212 because some weird peoples pay to have theses kind of treament 
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I’m dyslexic and a dirty dirty fucker, when I first read the above post I thought it said I’ll lick your nuts off your nuts! First thing I thought was “Dawn Mills! Is that you?! Dam I e missed you girl!”
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@tech.shit , hi this is intended to be positive and constructive, I’m not a good communicator, and one of my many flaws is taking something someone says trying to help me and beat myself with it, so please understand any criticism is it the best possible motivation.
I think what @Venom121212 said was insightful. Depression can be a bit addictive in an odd way. It’s familiar and weather we( including my self here) know it or not sometimes it can be the only attention we get. And for some people even negative attention is better than nothing. Justin made a good point in that you have had conflict and still people are trying to help and not shutting you down, trivializing your issues or banning you. I’m not sure how old you are but in my experience this group is extremely rare. This book helped me.( taming your inner gremlin) There are tools and methods for helping manage problems like this. And as I’ve said till I’m blue in the face, none of you are alone in this, it’s a common growing issue.
I don’t have anything profound to say other than depression is like a crazy lover you know you should leave. Don’t lean in to it. Good luck, Jason
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who dat?
fut fr, yeah I’ve been following responses here closely. Every interaction I’m hoping is building me towards a better, more cohesive mental state. I’m only just starting to recognize specific traumas that led me here. it’s a ‘work in progress’ my therapist tells me, and it feels like a really difficult one.
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it’s good to know we all want the same thing.
also, as far as not paying for stuff that was honestly just a misunderstanding on top of 2 parties mistakes, one of which was the shipping company. I don’t think it’s fair to place that situation’s blame entirely on me.
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Please don’t dwell on the past, we all make mistakes. There are 2 sides to every story .
I’ll digress for a second, so un like me to be off topic. My eldest child asked if I’d talk about the divorce and why it happened even “ if there would be a few white lies in there “
I declined saying “ at one point I thought I’d love to tell you my side, but I can’t with out dragging your mom down, there’s always 2 sides to every story and the only truth in them is both parties were at fault “
This is a wonderful community, I think I speak for most of us saying, it’s not how we fall , but how we get up. None of us can change the past, focus on the here and now.
We all want what is best for everyone.( blow me if you don’t )Holding on to past grudges is counterproductive.
We tend to post the positive things in our lives because, who wants to see me drunk off my ass at 3 am with my head under a blanket crying over the latest hurtful thing @BillGordon said?
It gives a false sense of reality, then people try to compare their lives to the “ accepted norm” and they feel bad, because they have a real life , with real problems.
Exercise helps even if you don’t feel like it, social interaction helps and surprisingly even if you are struggling ( like most people) helping others is very cathartic.
Hopefully you will all excuse my well meaning bull shit, it’s 10:45 am and I’m getting drunk after losing an argument about what my name is or weather the sun is in the sky. Take care
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I think you summed up everything nicely, two sides to every coin. Nothing at all ever works if you don’t help it along a little bit. No relationship, no device, no social group or method of governance, no organization - will survive apathy… mental health too.
It’s hard for me to work on myself as a person and it’s so easy to sulk. Unfortunately health is uphill. Sometimes just surviving is a struggle and I don’t really give myself credit for that. I know academically but my fefees dont understand lists or silver linings. Exercise and contributing a little bit where i can helps.
It’s so nice to nerd out hard on this site and have dozens of yall help me figure this shit out. I keep one skate working and one on the bench to work on. I try to make the meetups and see yall and your scooty death machines while showing off my scooty death machines. It’s good
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Just remember the basics. Any day without a battery fire is a good day.
Yesterday was a good day 
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the best thing for mental health is hash infused pre rolls
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Playing Call of Cthulhu is like DIY esk8.
You gotta roll for sanity, and sometimes you lose.
The cosmic horror, i love the original formula coke aspect of dealing with that in game. See a brain breaking non euclidian elder god? How about do some heroin and booze to take the edge of good advice from a time when average lifespan was significantly shorter and bad outcomes were just the best life could offer
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Any day without an ESC death is a good day.
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well, you guys are a good considerate group of people, so I’m going to put down some thoughts here because I don’t seem to have any other place to put them.
My friend Jesse died a few weeks ago. He was almost one of those larger than life guys except he was a full on nerd. He owned a technical support company that we used in the company that I worked for before we went under.
The first time I met him we hit it off immediately - not only was he in the tech business as was I, but he also in his non-work time did crazy projects in the same vein as my esk8 projects.
He had been working on a a kit plane with his dad for all the years I knew him, and they finally got it up in the air.
Jesse had a wife and two small kids. He was the most generous guy with his time that I have ever met. The couple of times I got ahold of him for non-work help he always went out of his way to make time for me despite his balls-to-the-wall schedule. Once it was to help setup pro-grade WiFi for a coffee shop after one of the owners died of cancer and the other owner was thinking of closing up. I jumped in to help with the nerd stuff, but I wasn’t particularly up on retail grade equipment. He didn’t hesitate for a second - jumped right in, got me the equipment I needed and talked me through on the phone how to get it setup. He even created a support account on the system for his company despite the fact that I couldn’t pay him for his time.
When my company closed down we owed him quite a bit of money. He came over right after I told him about the shutdown and said he wasn’t worried about the money and to let him know if there was anything he could do - he just wanted to help.
Every interaction I had with him was that way - he would make time for me any time I called almost to a fault. I knew there was no way he would have enough time to get up to the office before his next obligation but he thought he could defy time (and traffic) and sneak in a few minutes.
I was a student pilot for a while once a long time ago when I was rich (I’m not rich anymore) and so we really bonded over flying and his kit plane project.
Well, he died in that plane. I hadn’t talked to him in a while and I was reading the paper about 3 days ago when I ran across an article about a single plane accident. Apparently the pilot had lost control of the plane and crashed into a building. Fortunately there was only one person in the plane and no-one in the building was hurt.
But there was his name. I didn’t believe it at first, I had to LinkedIn him to make sure the last name was the same as I remembered his, then I looked up the kind of plane he was flying against some of the posts he made about the plane.
It was the same. Jesse died from Blunt force trauma to the head and neck.
As if that weren’t bad enough he lost control of the plane not because of his piloting skills, but because a bolt had been incorrectly installed in the control linkage. It was installed backwards and somehow backed out and he lost his ability to control the plane. He radiod the tower and told them he was going to try to put the plane down without controls - I assume just scuttle it in the field. But he never made it that far. I can only guess that the elevators moved and put him into a dive that he could do nothing about.
Now I’m pretty familiar with bolts, and it feels like the plane manufacturer did not have any sort of lock in place to prevent this. Even a nylock nut would have done the trick, or threadlock or any of a myriad of other methods of designing the linkage so that nothing could come apart in flight.
But that is what it is.
I’ve not cried since my girlfriend died years ago, but actually sitting down and putting this in black and white has me crying again.
No need for a response - there is nothing to be said. Thank you for listening (well, reading).
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Thanks for putting this up here, sounds like he was a great guy and will be missed.
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I had a dream about my ex girlfriend again last night… In it she told me I hurt her. I woke up bawling my eyes out. Fucking stupid emotions. It’s been over 6 fucking years ugh.
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sorry bro. my brother is in jail for life… some shit will hurt forever 
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I still have nightmares about an abusive ex I haven’t seen in 5+ years. Dreams are fucky and it is best not to dwell on them too much in my opinion. It still fucking sucks when it happens but it isn’t like we have any real control over our dreams anyway
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