Joker's Laff Thread

I want to hear them all! Dad jokes, old jokes, new jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, stupid jokes, best jokes, worst jokes, whatever jokes you have.



Trump was elected president


Ok shut it down. @skunk broke the thread lol


Best joke done.


Whats the difference between jelly and jam?

I cant jelly my :rooster: in you


there were three hunters. a smart one, a average one, and a dumb one. the smart one went into the woods and came out with a bear.
“how’d you do that?” the dumb one asked.
“i see tracks, i follow tracks, i see bear, i shoot bear, bear stop,” he responds. then, the dumb one goes in and come out with a deer.
“how’d you do that?” the dumb one asked.
“i see tracks, i follow tracks, i see deer, i shoot deer, deer stop,” he responds. the dumb one goes into the woods and comes out with only broken bones.
“what happened?” they asked.
he then responds by saying, “i see tracks, i follow tracks, i see train, i shoot train, trains don’t stop.”


Tyrion walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The Madam says to him “what can we do for you” and Tyrion says “I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me”. The Madam asks “whatever for? And what’s the deal with the honeycomb and the jackass?” and Tyrion says "My woman found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first was for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this damn honeycomb.

The second wish was that she have the nicest ass in all the land, so he gave her this damn donkey".

The Madam asks “And what about the third wish?”, and Tyrion says “She asked the genie to make my dick hang down past my knee”.

“Well that one’s not so bad eh?” says the Madam, Tyrion responds “Not so bad!?!?, I used to be 6’3” "


Indian (not @IndianGummy) walks in a brothel. Head mistress walks up and asks “what can we do you for?”. Indian says “me want woman.” Mistress asks if he has any experience. Indian says no. Mistress says “there is a tree on top of that hill behind the house.” “There’s a hole in it.” “Go practice and come back.”. Indian stays up on the hill for a gew hours and cones back. Mistress figured he’d been up there for quite some time, she would give him the best she had to offer. Mistress leads the Indian up to the room and says have fun. Within minutes the mistress hears a blood curdling scream coming fron the room with the Indian. She runs to the door, flings it open and finds the Indian has the woman on the end of a broomstick just wailing her around the room. Mistress screams “what are you doing?” Indian replies “me smart. Me check for bees first.”


I’m just gonna say I stopped reading that after the first two sentences. :joy::joy:


‎ Read it!


Does anyone know if it’s possible to have a skin graft taken from a buttock to donate to someone who isn’t a relative?

…Arse skin for a friend.


How do you take the “F” out of “way”

-there’s no f in way


Does your wife yell while having sex?

Of course! Sometimes I can hear her from the pub!


How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask nicely :slight_smile:


Last night I caught someone adding soil to my garden…

The plot just thickened


Confucius say:


A cowboy is making his way across the country on his horse. As dusk begins to fall, he reaches a small town to spend the night in. The town only has 1 hotel, and on the front door a sign reads: “No whites allowed”

The cowboy, being a white man, comes up with an idea. He goes to a muddy pond not far from the town, and covers himself thoroughly with mud and grime. He then comes back to the town, secures his horse for the night, and walks into the hotel. He asks the receptionist for a room, and to wake him up early in the morning to continue his journey.

Morning comes, and the receptionist wakes the cowboy up. The cowboy thanks the receptionist, jumps on his horse, and continues his journey. He spends the whole day riding, and by the end of the day, reaches another small town. He again goes to the only hotel in the town, but stops in front of a sign on the door saying “No blacks allowed”.

Thankfully, the cowboy saw a clear lake near the town, so he decides to go there to wash the mud off his skin. He bathes, and bathes, and scrubs, and scrubs, but the mud won’t come off! Turns out the receptionist had woken up the wrong person.


Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.


Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil


A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walked into a bar…

He ordered a drink.