Ladies and gentlemen, cocks and wankers of all ages, a tragedy of tragedies has occurred tonight. @jack.luis already spilled the beans on this one, but I must regrettably report that the TÜÜB is dead.
My path to Jack’s shop took me over the Manhattan Bridge, which for those who don’t know, has a bike path designed like a sidewalk but with cracks between the tiles about 2 inches long. After about half a mile of these large jolts, the control system of the board had begun to act screwy and the brakes did not want to engage readily. I shut the board down, carried it the rest of the way, and when I rebooted on smooth pavement everything seemed to be back to normal. However, the braking function continued to deteriorate over the course of the evening. I suspect one of the rear sensors became delaminated from the deck, but this will remain unconfirmed as I don’t want to power the board back up in its current state.
As I rode cautiously back to the train station, the control system apparently decided to give up the ghost and slowly ramp up the throttle without accepting brake input. I ran it off easily enough but the board scooted off on its own into an anti-vehicle bollard. The front enclosure predictably disintegrated, and the front kingpin snapped right off.
Jackson came back to meet up with me and Jeff, bringing the crucial duct tape needed for me to carry my board back home. Thanks again to the both of you for helping out after the crash. 
So goodnight sweet prince, you will be missed. The experiment into hands-free board control will continue at another time, in another form, and the sacrifice of this brave skateboard and the hard-won lessons it provided during its rise and fall will blaze a trail for all those that come after.