I use lead free solder, in my small bedroom, with basically no ventilation. I did some research and apparently the flux in lead free solder is really unhealthy.
I find that extractor fans are always too weak, what works best is what @PixelatedPolyeurthan showed – having a fan to just blow it away from you, and afterwards have a window open / extractor running.
(Wish I knew that you need this stuff when I was a kid and soldering all day at my electronics club)
I use a fume extractor that sits behind my work piece… it visibly pulls all smoke through the carbon filter. The smell is virtually eliminated and my nose (and eyes) can attest to the difference. Just find one that has a powerful fan… it won’t exactly be silent.
I smoke out my dorm room all the time. Just take your fire alarm down from the celling. If you’re worried about the wife finding out, use some febreze.
P.s. Lead based solder smells the best.